The Perception Gap of ‘Need’ Between Aging Parents and Their Adult Children

By Kevin Edwards | June 21, 2018 |

The Perception Gap of ‘Need’ Between Aging Parents and Their Adult Children

Senior Care Kansas City MO – The Perception Gap of ‘Need’ Between Aging Parents and Their Adult Children

By Kevin Edwards, President

Ask any number of seniors what they worry about most when it comes to spending more time with adult children and even having the opportunity to see their grandchildren and a common answer is perception. More seniors today are concerned about how their own family perceives them and their ability to adequately and safely care for themselves.

Claire Berman notes in her health blog, What Aging Parents Want From Their Kids, published by The Atlantic, “As parents get older, attempts to hold on to our independence can be at odds with even the most well-intentioned “suggestions” from our children.”

Adult children begin to take an active role in ‘protecting’ their parents. It likely happens beneath the surface, in the dark where fear and anxiety love to tread, but it will surface and show its face among the light at times when checking for expired food in the refrigerator or giving closer scrutiny to the words these seniors use, or the space between a thought (assuming they’ve completely forgotten or can’t hold onto cogent conversations long), or a senior’s ability to drive safely at night.

At Some Point, the Perception Gap Widens

As adult children and grandchildren spend more time checking in with their aging parents, when they become more inclined to watch every move and expect signs of safety issues on the horizon, these are the things they’ll notice most. Those elderly parents often reach a point when, even though they love spending time with their family, will seek out excuses to shorten the visits or avoid some altogether.

Why? They don’t want to be ‘criticized’ or ‘scrutinized.’ Seniors often understand their abilities are diminishing and they also know full-well there will be times when it’s best to call for help, but when a person feels as though they’re being held under a microscope, when every word, thought, or action is being analyzed specifically to find fault, it can cause anxiety.

When the Perception Gap Widens, Questions About Support Become Blurred

As people age and begin to lose their ability to perform certain tasks, they may take to pushing themselves beyond their safety and comfort zones, especially if adult children or others are advising them not to do those very things. Losing control isn’t easy for anyone, and the one thing seniors can do during moments like that is to defy logic and common sense and push forth, anyway.

How to Shrink the Gap

It’s often adult children and outsiders who bring up the topics of care and support, but it’s the seniors who should be more vocal. They are the ones who should speak up, express their concerns, and make it clear how much or how little support and assistance they need.

As long as they’re being honest -with themselves and family- it lays a stronger foundation upon which to move forward regarding questions about care at home or other options. Then neither the children or aging parents will feel the need to keep tiptoeing around a sensitive topic like this.

If you or an aging loved-one are considering Senior Care Services in the Kansas City MO area, please contact the caring staff at Elder Care of Kansas City, today. Proudly serving Jackson, Clay, Platte and Cass Counties in Missouri as well as Johnson and Wyandotte Counties in Kansas for over 30 years. Call us at 816-333-3322.

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Kevin Edwards

Owner at Elder Care of Kansas City

Kevin’s life and the lives of his immediate family have been impacted by caregivers – either as a patient or a caregiver - for as long as he can remember.He watched his mother take care of his grandmother until her death at the age of 97.Five years later, his father passed from a neurological disorder that was subsequently confirmed as Lewy Body Dementia.In 2007, his wife, Lori, was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.The symptoms of Lori’s disease required Kevin to hire a caregiver during the periods of her relapses.

Prior to purchasing Elder Care, Kevin spent over 20 years in the health insurance industry.In his most recent position, he was in a financial operations role with Humana where he worked with doctors, nurses and other health professionals developing programs to keep Humana members healthy.Their focus on primary care and medication adherence improved the lives of thousands of seniors in Kansas City and the surrounding area.

Kevin and his wife, Lori, have three children.Kevin has Bachelor’s and Master’s degrees from the University of Missouri.